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Assertive Communication

Much counseling work centers on healthy interpersonal communication, because healthy communication is an integral part of attuning and attaching to another person.   This is true for all relationships, including parent/child, couples, work colleagues, and friendships.

One way to envision communication patterns is to think in terms of assertiveness, non-assertiveness, and aggression.   The term aggression can not only be applied to physical actions but also to words, facial expressions, and body stances.   When watching a role play of aggressive behavior, children can readily identify name-calling, insults, yelling, and menacing facial or bodily expressions as aggressive and violating the rights of another person.   It is also readily apparent that aggressive communication effectively shuts down all chance of healthy communication.

Non-assertiveness can be defined as failure to let another know something important that you are thinking or feeling. Some consider it a way to be “nice” and to not burden another with one’s feelings. This, however, not only denies the other person an important opportunity for connection, but also deprives the non-assertive person of his own voice.

Assertive communication takes responsibility for one’s own feelings and views, shares these feelings and views with another, while also respecting the other’s rights and humanity.  Many people find it difficult to be assertive, and perhaps may consider it impossible to do so if someone else is behaving aggressively.  Happy relationships can take place only if two people can discuss matters assertively with one another.   Respecting one another requires clear, straight-forward, and caring communication.

~Diana Stroup, M.Ed., LPC ~ LFCS Therapist

 

LFCS offers affordable, convenient counseling for individuals, couples and families.
We offer no-cost counseling for youth up to age 19 who live in St. Louis County.  314-787-5100 or lfcsmo.org