Thoughts About Attachment Needs


“Fear of abandonment” is a phrase that is not uncommon and is likely to evoke in each of us an immediate and frightened response.

Our human need to be dependably attached to another person is known to be “wired in” to each of us. The stability and security of that emotional attachment is a foundation for our emotional well-being – or our emotional distress. Attachment needs, however, go beyond the very basic need to bond to another and our instinctive fear of being left alone to fend for ourselves in this world.

There are three building blocks needed for a secure attachment foundation that is supporting healthy and happy emotional functioning. Whether the relationship is with a parent or child, spouse/partner, or best friend – we need to know the following from the person who we are dependably attached:

  • Will you turn toward me, no away from me?
  • When I see myself reflected in your eyes, am I good enough?
  • Do the things that matter to me, matter to you?

When our relationships are satisfying and working well, it is likely that we are feeling confident about positive answers to those questions, and our attachment foundation is strong. When relationships are struggling and symptoms of emotional stress become evident, it is often possible to identify which building block in our emotional foundation is in need of repair.

Counselors at LFCS are dedicated to helping clients with the building and repairing of foundations that will support a confident, positive emotional experience in an individual and satisfying, meaningful relationships with others.