Emotional Intelligence can be equated to your “emotional IQ” and is actually a stage of human development. Many have experienced some extent of trauma during our emotional development. When this happens, our ability to regulate our own emotions and also empathize with the perspectives of others can become stunted. This can result in:
- Rigid, black-and-white thinking
- Feeling shame or fear around conflicting emotions (ex: feeling bad about loving a parent while also having experienced trauma from that parent.)
- Believing that someone’s disapproval means something about who we are
- Being shut down to anything that does not validate your emotional experience
Emotional Intelligence (EI) allows us to break these narrow perspectives. With developed EI, we understand that there are multiple realities and each is always valid simply because it exists. It also gives us the ability to:
- Choose how we engage with those around us
- Have our own thoughts and beliefs (even if others disagree) and allow the same to others
- Feel many emotions at once
- Create our own meaning or narratives around what we experience at any time
Emotional intelligence must be modeled to us in order for us to grasp these concepts during our development. The good news is that emotional intelligence can also be intentionally created beyond our childhood years. As adults, we have choice, freedom, and responsibility. We also have the ability to regulate the emotions of our inner children by making our unconscious impulses conscious with purpose and intention.